A Mom Again

5 years back, I was blessed with a baby girl who changed my life...And till date i don't think I can love anyone as much as I have loved her.. and exactly 6 months back god sent me a beautiful son to relive the precious moments I had spent with my daughter. Everything has returned to me like a dejavu..

Now that he is 6 months old, he recognises faces.. and the one he recognises the most is me, his mom.. he looks at me and gives me heart warming cute and shy smile. a smile that makes one forget all their pain and stress. 

The 9 months that i had spent on bed rest cause my stomach would not let me move an inch of my muscle. the sleepless nights cause the stomach would hurt so bad that i could not even turn to the other side. Everything is gone in flashes once you see the cute lil body in your arms. The best part is that when he is hungry at night, and m sleeping facing the other side of the bed, he happily calls me out and lets me know he is hungry without screeching in a voice that would alarm the entire house. 

i cant wait till the time when i get to hear his first words.. i know time runs its pace and i will never get these moments again. 

Handling the elder kid along with the younger one

 Hi Me,

I created this blog to express my feelings through poems. I loved writing poems and this was the only was I could keep it going in my life.. But for a change, this one is not going to be a poem. 

So I had my first kid 5 years back. She was everything to me. I pampered her like anything. We both were(still are) one soul. But then when i was expecting my second child, all I could think about was how she was going to feel about it. Was she going to feel insecure? Will she hate her sibling? These questions never left my mind.

So I started preparing her slowly.. How I had a small baby in tummy, how i was going to get him out in a hospital and I was going to be on bedrest for a month. How she has to take care of herself and her sibling now. A lot of things. Slowly she started bathing herself, getting dressed by herself, her dad learnt to make her hair. many new changes were happening. She stayed in my moms place for a month(for the first time away from me).

And now we are staying together, in one place. she helps me with all my work, be it changing her brothers nappy, helping me in kitchen, running around doing all small works asked by other family members, drying clothes etc.. 

I want to teach her that no work is small, no work is disgusting. 

She is very naughty, she does lie when she is scared, she does throw milk in sink or food in dustbin when no1 is looking. I have done all these myself but she does not have to know it. I keep trying to teach her right and wrong but I think there are few things life will teach her by herself.

I have a feeling she will turn out to be a good human being, just like her DAD. And she will make me proud.

Love u Princess

Being 30!!

Crossing 30 could just be a number

But the age itself means that there is no place for any blunder

U have got to be mature in every way

Cause there is your family standing at bay

Without your knowledge you become your kids ideal

Its kind of a mixed feeling how that makes you feel

You feel proud to be someone's first priority

But then, even you are down, u don't get no pity

Its a nice feeling to have the house depend on you

But is there any time for you to live for YOU

Feeling under the weather is no less than a nightmare

Who will feed my kids and how will they get the deserved care

Birthdays used to be so much awaited for

Now they come and go and I seriously don't care

What will I do on my kids special day

That's the only thought in mind which comes to stay

I have 2 kids and I feel so blessed

I love to bathe them and get them dressed

Being 30  isn't so bad after all

Having his small happy family has been my best call 

Panchi

Hey dear princess.. today you turn THREE
Without you I cant imagine how my life would be
It seems like just yest you were crawled up in me
and here you are growing up to be another ME

I still remember the day u started to walk
and you would jump around everywhere like a duck
The first time you kissed me Goodmorning
I was awestruck thinking was it my Best Morning

The day when you started going to school
And I waited all day acting to be cool
Couldn;t wait to see you again soon
With so much love for u, I am sure I am doomed

You are all big now that u have started writing letters
No matter how bad you are, you'll only get better
Soon you''ll be as big as you can be
And I'll miss my doll as now you are to me

You, your smile, your pranks are all I adore
Without that our life has nothing to look forward for
I just want to tell you how much you mean to me
I will do everything to make your life as PERFECT as it should be

Being a mother

I dont know how to start the post. I was lying down thinking about my baby, about the mischieves she does, the cute smile she gives when she knows she did wrong, about how will I tell her all this when she grows up. Will I remember all this at that time. And then I thought why not pen it down so that the memories are never lost.
If I could, I would live each day a million times.
I haven even started writing anything yet and I already feel overwhelmed.
Anyways, what is so special about her that I don't want to forget anything.
I don't know. Its just everything she does, every action of hers, every gesture which i try to decode.
She is 21 months old and she is learning few words.
The words she quickly picked are Cow and Baby. So she calls everything by that name. Every doggy, soft toys are baby for her and every bird, cow, are Cow for her.
I started showing her rhymes in my laptop before she was one I think. While she would watch the rhymes, it would give me sometime to do some other stuff.
But look at that, at this age(21 months), she is bored of them already. She wants me to keep changing the rhyme until the one she likes plays down.
Sometimes I feel she is bored of almost every rhyme on youtube. The new ones she wont listen to and the old ones she is tired of listening to.
The best part is that we started putting her to sleep by singing the rhymes as lullaby. So, when she doesn't like the rhyme I am singing, she taps on my mouth hinting me to change the song. And this goes on until I sing the one of her choice.
I have seen no kid become so choosy already. I think now i get to say "Kids of this generation..Gawdd..."

When she is very bored and hyper, and she finds no source entertainment, she will start throwing tantrums.. When I ask her to behave herself, she'll know that she has my attention, And there she goes, she 'll repeat it over and over again, laugh loudly, run away from me but wont stop so that she doesn't loose my attention.

I was on the phone with my mom and I hardly noticed when she opened my cupboard, sat inside and called me out. "Mumma!!!"
I found her cutely trying to fit in my shelf. I asked her to come out so that she doesn get hurt. But she kept on smiling and calling my name so that I keep looking at her.

There have been times when I am lying down relaxed watching tv and she crawls up to me, will sit next to me, keep my arm beside her. rest herself on my body and relax. I cannot express what that feeling is.

I guess being a mother is the best thing in the world. They say being a mother is not easy, but when ever I think about it, its not her tantrums I remember, its not how i managed work with her crying, its only her smile I remember. I think now i exactly know what they call a million dollar smile. And if only looks could kill, it would be hers and I would have died a million times already.

Hope

Whats a hope worth
When in trouble, is it someone who comes forth
Or is it that consolation inside you
Asking you to give it a shot before you turn blue
Or a friend by your side holding your hand
Telling you, you aren't alone when you stand
May be your family with confidence in their eyes
That the night will be gone as the time flies
Your spouse looking at you all the faith he has in you
You can do it just whatever it is that you want to do
Its this hope that lets you fight with just anything
One can face their problems while they happily sing
Just a hope and you are through
Just go ahead and do what you want to do

What do I miss?

He asked me what do I miss about Bangalore

What are the moments that I still adore

Surprised I looked at him not knowing what to say

There is so much that I miss, I want to share, if I may

Small moments of happin ess with my friends

Them trying to fool you while the other pretends

The biryani with chips just next to my PG

Moments that were cheerful and some  that were cheesy

Random drives to Koramangala to have momos

That cluttering of crowds to outside the college stores

The awesomest birthdays ever

Their concern when you are down with fever

The Nice road drives on the bikes and cars

Listening to music below the stars

Uncountable moments hard to jot down

Just feel like I had the happiness crown

Bangalore, oh I miss Bangalore

Everything about you I adore.

Wedding jitters

Where shud I start or end
Like a wet mud I was ready to blend
But to what extent was the thought that never crossed
Upon asked I thought big deal, whats the fuss
I get it now as it all comes to me at once
Was no more a kid and it happened in a span of few months
Things around me have changed and changed a lot
What should i do and what not, is the only thought
Things i do or say travels the other way round
Things i never meant, have offended ppl was found
Stuck between everyone and their thoughts
And their ear pleasing taunts
Had few expectations from someone which is well thrashed
My dreams and happiness are now properly mashed
Havin no expectations from someone still manages to hurt
Just cause the words that come out are way too blunt
Driving me crazy and I wanna run away
So far that noone knows where I stay
Thats not gonna give me happiness either
Probably just my frustration and tweets on twitter
Have to live this and will get through I know
I am no weak, I ought to show...

life

life.. strange turn of events
life.. mixed with weird moments
life.. makes u smile when u least expect
life.. tears u up and leaves u wrecked

why am I sad when I have it figured out
when I know the problem why do I wanna shout
I always knew this is how its goin to be
This was a future long back i could foresee
A life I have chosen to live the way it is
Then why have my hands suddenly come to freeze
I would speak up if I had someone to listen to
I am blamed after every pain I went through
Understanding is a word long lost in the dictionary
I wud just keep shut and talk to him through pictionary
A smile as a reply for everythin he says
wats on my mind, oh.. c'mon.. who cares
wud end my life right now if I could
But This is not somethin I shud..
So lets just face it and prepare myself for it
Let the show begin for me to be a spectator and sit..

The Only Solution

The only solution to our problem is to hang up

No matter how I feel, you Will just hang up

I can feel bad and I can get mad

But i would never do that back

Cause I know how insulted how I feel when you do that

Cant imagine making you feel like crap

So ya, you dont care and you will do it

NO matter who you are doing it with

Not the first time you hung up on me

But I guess my fault that I just let it be

Well doesn matter at all, does it

If it does, I am sure you will not repeat it.

Being Loved

When I was young, I had a dream
A dream am sure every girl would have seen
A prince charming riding the horse
With loads of love in his eyes, oçourse
The unknown face of the prince is now known to me
The love we share seems like thats how it was meant to be
Every morning with a wake up kiss
Every moment with him is like a magical bliss
Wishes fulfilled before spoken
No work left undone
Random dinner dates with him
And his stupid taunts for me to get slim
Random flirting statements just to get my reaction
But a love confession he wouldn forget to mention
Concern behind his temper when I dont eat
His ways for me are just too sweet
I love him like I have never felt before
There is nothing else that I could have asked for more
I love you sweetheart, always stay the same
I am lucky to have shared your name

Speechless!!

I want to write about him but i dont know what to write
About the time I feel loved or when we fight
Nevertheless the love I see in his eyes is something never seen before
The way he cuddles me when I cry, is what I adore
One short tempered person seen first time in my life
I need to handle it being his wife
The temper lasts for what, a few seconds
But otherwise, he is the shiniest among all diamonds
The love and respect he has for our families is what  I respect
Probably small things like these make him perfect
Every second he makes me feel we are meant for each other
Am glad as we are now FOREVER TOGETHER :)

Sisters

Always wanted a sister young or elder
Cause on the rainy day, she wud be my shelter
The one I cud share everything with
My secrets, my crushes and my first kiss
We would fight about clothes and the other stuff
May be sometimes the fight would get rough
Well, Guess what.. my married life gave me a few
The ones who were missing in  my life I knew
All bubbly, fun loving and easy to talk to
If needed I knew whom to ping to
The love I see they share among themselves
Is the one I always missed and craved
But now I have and and I have it all
Not from one or two, but from all
I love you guys and thanks for coming along
In my weak times, I know you ll make me strong
I know you ll always come along :)

I wanna fly

I wanna fly, fly up in the sky
To a place so very high
A place filled with love and with care
A place very far away somewhere
A place where there is no one to judge
A place with no pessimism and no grudge
A place where we can be who we are
A place with no restrictions and no bar
Some place where we know only how to love
A place somewhere up above
Where one's beauty is through the heart
Where no misunderstanding can drive anyone apart
Some place where people would not only listen but understand
Where celebration of each and everyday is grand
Where unwanted thoughts never cross our mind
Such a place, where do I go find?

First Date!!!

The day i got engaged, had a lot goin on inside me
How must he be feeling, how is it supposed to be
We spoke on fone and had a lil chat
But I guess that was just the start
After 2 weeks was the day scheduled for our first date
Butterflies in my tummy and curiosity in my plate
Waited for him as he came along to pick me up
We looked at one another and uttered, "Wats up"
Then we drove to the movie which was released a day before
Which by the way turned out to be a complete bore
But what was nice was the restlessness running inside us
We waited till the interval but then finally took the bus..
His hand took mine and my head found a support
Something inside me said "Madame, Welcome aboard!!"
We spent the rest half of the movie just thinking about one another
The crap going on in the movie was ignored altogether
Then a visit to a peaceful lake was planned
But the dried barren place was all we found in the sand
And a mini waterfall being another hope
That also wasn visible in near scope
So we left the place and walked to see the school he studied in
Was delighted to see the place he studied less and goofed up more in
Lunch was the next thing in the menu for us
A restaurant I had been before to came across
Shared pics and experiences while we shared the food
Him feedin me food and me being lost in the photos was kind of rude
Then we finally planned to visit a place to spend sometime alone
There was no big deal, we were both fully grown
We landed a place with no disturbance at all
And in no time in my lap he was to fall
My hand carressing his hair and listening to music we were
The best moments of my life were these filled with love and care
He drew me close and a peck on my forehead was felt
That moment, I thought I would melt..
Heaven on earth finally seemed true to me
With my eyes closed, everything was clear to me
You mean the world and you will be mine forever, I know that now
Every second without you feels a pain somehow
But no matter what, you'll find me by your side
With love, yours Would to be bride :)

Whats On My Mind

Its rather difficult to express whats on my mind
I am now blessed with something I thought I'd never find
A pair of eyes just made for me to look into
I feel am now among the lucky few
A pic was all it had taken me
I guess, somethings are just meant to be
In a glance I had it all figured out
No questions in mind and absolutely no doubt
What more would I now need from life
Just hope to be a good wife
A new life awaits at my door
A challenge never faced before
But i now know I am not alone
In me another beautiful relation has grown
My most beautiful relation has grown :)

I've Changed!!!

They say I've changed, aint that right?
Is it cause I now put up a fight?
They say I've changed, from what I was before
Is it cause insulting me was what you would adore?
They say I've changed, as am not the same anymore
Was it cause I had too many challenges at my door?
They say I've changed, I now like being alone
May be cause when I did want company, this was the only route shown
They say I've changed, selfish as they had called
Is it cause trash was where my heart was stalled?
They say I've changed, I don't know how to love anymore
Question being, was i even being loved before?
Was I being loved before??

Nothing!!!

She came down and asked me "What happened?"
And I said "Nothing!!"
Why on your face is sadness captioned
And again I said "Nothing!!"
Did I upset you was the next question
Quietly I said "No dear, not at all"
All other options were now on auction
And I still made no call...
But then I held the pain close to my heart
Which was slowly driving us apart
And one day it all came out bursting
I swear, I wasn't even expecting
But that's what happens when you don't clear things on the spot
You leave the wound unattended for it to become a blood clot
Was it worth it to leave a friendship at stake
Was it the right choice to make
Had i screamed at her then and there
Misunderstandings would have been no where
Wouldn't have lost all these days burning my soul
Expected her to bat without using the bowl
Relations are all very-very delicate
Nothing is worth keeping it at stake
So speak up whenever you're hurt
Dun pity yourself, instead be a sport
Doing that, life will turn out much easier
And things around will be much much clear
Everything around will be crystal clear :)

Rain

Have you ever really enjoyed the rain
When you felt joy or when your heart felt pain
Something so pure right from above
Something which just makes one fall in love
Each drop pouring down one's face
A beauty I wanna hold on to and embrace
Emotions just rush through inside my soul
Someone has just been clean bowled
Forget the world as I stand there alone
Music played in my ears without my earphones
The melody of the water could barely be matched
An angel from heaven has just been unlatched
Blessed we are for having this wonderful opportunity
As this beautiful phenomenon wil happen for eternity
Wish I could just stand there and freeze this moment
And capture my each and every moment spent
This moment gave me time to look through me
Things which I could never really see
Blessed are the plants and the trees
They must be as happy as I was pleased
So I stand there and I stand still
As if a child's wish has just been fulfilled
As pure as a child's wish being fulfilled :)

What Do They Think About Me

What do they think about me

When they see me, what do they really see?

Some say am cute, and some say am sweet

Some keep asking me for a treat

But how do i know what they really think

Positive thoughts make me happy, but negative make my heart sink

Do they really think am stupid cause i care

Or do they think m arrogant cause i dare

Do they think am a coward cause am afraid to hurt them

Or do they think I do everything to pretend to be a gem

It eats my head to actually try to read others mind

Its one truth that no-one can really find

Truth is, not knowing it lets you be happy

Else trying to satisfy everyone would turn out little crappy

So ya, we have no choice but to sit and watch

Sip a little whisky, rum or scotch

Just let them mind their own business

And all you can say is "Who cares" ;)